Cool stuff

In any major event, like sports, or college, there are some things at certain times that are, or at least seem to be, indispensable. Here are some of the things that helped us in Iraq, in no particular order:

laptops
nerds to fix the laptops
thumb drives
USB mini hubs
camelbacks
care packages
cigarettes
mail in general
the internet
satellite phones
minute cards for satellite phones
clean underwear
not having to wear any
bottled water
anything by Thermarest
portable DVD players
Jenna Jamison
Conan the Barbarian
Conan the Destroyer
The box set of Monty Python’s Flying Circus
Gatorade powder
sport bras
the PX
Women without burkhas
The Bee Gees (personal favorite)
battery operated fans
batteries
more batteries
ice chests
ice
ceramic inserts for interceptor armor vests
cooler heads prevailing (most of the time)
translators
duct tape (of course)
Bruce Willis shaking everyone’s hand and thanking them personally
Jane Fonda staying home
MP3’s
MP5’s
MP’s
Reservists who came to the party
Reservists who volunteered to extend
Stars and Stripes
LED microlights
solar showers
digital cameras
high school kids to explain them to me
Iraqi children
Most Iraqi people
Jersey barriers
Texas barriers
Alaska barriers
KBR
Kuwaiti rental cars
GPS systems
Motorola Talkabout handheld radios
More batteries
Baby wipes
Marines
Navy corpsmen (and women)
close friends listening to you whine
pre-cast concrete bunkers
the God voice
Patriot missiles
ID card laminating machines
The Red Cross
Satirical unit newsletters (FREE THE BUG!)
Freaky-Freaky movies
Hajji Movies
“Good, Mister! Good!”
Heather Brook


Here are the things that we could have done without.

Red Cross messages
Most chains of command
22 General Officers in theater
Briefings
PowerPoint
Anything over 98 degrees Fahrenheit
Seersucker missiles
Scud missiles
“Lightning, lightning, lightning”
Sand flies
Mosquitoes
Tray packs
listening to your close friends whining
MRE’s
Chlorinated water
Conan the Barbarian
Conan the Destroyer
Michael Jackson
Martha Stewart
Paper coins from the PX
Piss tubes
Diarrhea
Shitting into barrels of kerosene
Burning barrels of shit mixed with kerosene
The smell of burning shit and kerosene
being stiff-armed by CPA for lunch
Al-Qieada (sp?)
Some Iraqis
Most Iranians
OIF2
OIF3
Haiti
North Korea
Colombia
Liberia
Shipping restrictions on water bongs
travel restrictions
force protection rules
General Order #1a: No alcohol
General Order #1b: No sex
Pettiness
prima donnas
The Army of One
IED’s
VBIED’s
dead people
learning what it’s like to be scared shitless
repeating the experience
the MUIC
Fort Bragg altogether
Sand
Dust
Sand
Dust
No AC in Hummers
Dehydration
“Give Me!”
Blocked websites

©Tom Kinton, 2004, Camp Doha, Kuwait